whoa

serene reminded me of my old blog. old hunting grounds? haunting grounds? haha. europe is the greatest memory of my life thus far. it was such a great experience, i don’t think i would give anything in the world for it… maybe except my family, friends and the core important things. i would definitely go again when i have time and the money. i can’t stand my job. i seriously want to kill myself when i’m there. i dread sundays when i know i have to go back to work. the fact that it is so boring is bad enough, but feeling trapped there with no place else to go is the worse. i know that i can have so much potential to go do so many things, but to do the things i really want to do seem so out of reach. i really want a ca designation. why? the prestige i guess. i honestly have not thought of what i really want to do after that, but i’ve always known i want the ca. it’s hardest to get relative to the cma and cga, and it gives me flexibility to move to other countries too cuz it is transferable. and with it, everyone knows you are smart cuz its so hard to get. i think what’s harder is finding someone to hire you to get the experience to actually get the ca. in fact, it seems impossible sometimes. so that drives me nuts to the verge of severe depression and very low self esteem. i also know many people are worse off than me, but you know, at this point you just don’t care about other people and their life. just yourself. so, i have found a potential exit with an interview! i hope it works out. oh please. i have no idea whether i’ll like it there, but from first impressions it seems good, and its an opportunity to really do something with my life rather than just being there at work, being stable, steady. ga oil to myself!!! my moodiness has subsided. i think the interview has given me life and a confidence boost. oh god. growing up is so hard. how do my parents do it?

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