halloween blues

i thought i was okay. this has been a much better month than the last. or maybe i just covered it up and stuck it to the back of my mind. but the past 2 days it’s all been coming back. i’m such a competitive person, so it really hurts to see other people that failed just like me last year, to come back and get it. why did they get it but not me? and it goes back to last month to question myself. then it makes me feel upset that my parents know about it. they’ve never really been that involved in my life. the decisions everything i did myself. but my mom wasn’t sleeping and came downstairs. then dan told her what it was. i think it stems back to this one time my mom betrayed me when i told her something. since then, i vowed never to tell her anything. so it almost stings to know that my mom knows something now. even though she’s my mom. my dad tried to comfort me and tell me that its okay, it came back again after hiding it the whole day. oh my. my ambitions are making me feel so upset. what to do what to do.

maybe i’m setting my standards too high and putting too much pressure on myself. i can’t help it though… T__T

i hate being a downer

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